HOW TO GET READY FOR THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN

“D I V O R C E “
By: Kathy Kristof – AARP Magazine Mar-Apr 2009

A 47 year Old Attorney – Jeff Condon did not expect the worst to happen in his marriage. He lives in Monica, California. He knew that his marriage had its ups and downs but thought it was normal behavior, and that most couples behave this way. Then, one day his wife came to him and said that she has had enough. Ever since those words were spoken, both of them began to have had numerous of arguments and battles over their home, their kids and even frivolous things such as sport games. This has been going on for three years. This has put a great burden financially on the couple. The costs are up in the $250,000, just for fighting each other.

It is important to be an equal partner as far as finances are concerned. Fighting each other in a divorce should not be at the top of the list. If you go into a marriage with wealth, the it would be using wisdom if there would be a prenuptial agreement and trusts. For those not in wealth and not to make it an ugly divorce and to simplify it, it’s best to have good habits of budgeting and investing together. It is also important that both spouses establish credit. If some of these ideas are applied, this will make divorce not easy, but easier.

Connection to Psychology: Stress Responses and Stress Mediators

Responses are:

“Fight-or-flight” syndromes (increased heart rate, respiration and muscle tension. Breakdown will eventually happen of organ systems involved in prolonged resistance to stressors.
Psychological / Emotional: anger, anxiety and depression.
Cognitive: inability to concentrate or think logically.
Behavioral: aggression and escape/avoidance (including suicide attempts)

Mediators are:

Coping resources and methods: cannot relax after having a hard day will prolong
stress responses.
Social Support: Having no one to talk to about your divorce or other trauma.

Additional Information:

Psychology – forensic and clinical

· Early etiological theories of child and marital problems unidirectional
cause-effect relationships.
· It was always presumed that dysfunctional marital relationships caused
dysfunctional behavior patterns in children. Children with behavioral or emotional
problems were viewed as innocent victims of a "bad" parent or of a "bad"
relationship between the parents.